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CHAPTER 14: Life goes on

John got up out of bed. He looked at his watch. It was just past 6am. Steven was still sleeping. He went to the loo, then came back and got dressed. Quietly he left the room, went down the stairs, and out the front door. He got into ‘his’ car and backed out on to the street, and drove off in the direction of his house.

Steven and he had watched thru the window of his dad’s den as Roger and his dad started making out quite passionately the night before. He saw them leave thru the door to the hall as his dad turned off the lights to that room. He and Steven walked back to the front of the house and out on to the lane. Looking back at the house, they noticed that all the lights had been turned off except the bedroom upstairs. They both paused, but then walked back to the car.

Now, as he drove toward his house, he really didn’t know why he was doing it. When he arrived, he slowly drove passed the house noticing that he dad’s car was parked in the same spot as last night. He assumed that Roger was still there. There was a light in the kitchen. He debated if he should go in as he paused the car in front of the drive.

Just as he paused, he saw the kitchen light go off. He slowly inched forward down the lane to where he could only see the car and stopped. In a couple minutes he saw Roger and his dad get in the car. John took off down the lane toward town. He didn’t know where his dad was taking Roger for sure, but he went toward the train station. He parked on the street away from the drop off area so his dad hopefully wouldn’t recognize the car.

He waited, slouched down in his seat. In a couple minutes, his dad’s car pulled up, and Roger got out. He was holding the bag that he and Steven had found by the chair in the den. He saw Roger saying something his dad. They both smiled at each other, and Roger turned and walked into the station as his dad drove off.

John sat in the car for several minutes before he restarted the engine, and started back to Steven’s house. He wasn’t sure what to do, if anything. He knew of his dad’s longings, but where would that leave his mum? He knew he and his dad would have to talk, but when, and how. He needed a cup of strong tea.

After parking his car on the street, he let himself in with the key Sarah had given him. He quietly walked up the stairs, and into Steven’s room. It was almost 7am.

“So, where did you sneak off to? As if I didn’t know.” Steven said as John entered the room.

“I saw dad drop Roger off at the train station this morning.” John said.

“I know this bothers you, but this is something your dad has to handle. I don’t know what you can do.”

“I know, I know.” John said as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

Outside in the hall, he heard footsteps pass the door, and descend the stairs.

“Your folks are up. I guess we both need to get ready also.” John said.

“You know, you’re going to have to talk to your dad about this.”

“Yeah, I know.”

At breakfast, Graham mentioned that he heard John leave early, and then return. John made an excuse that he had forgotten something at his house he needed before he went to his fathers office this morning. That seemed to suffice.

John dropped Steven off at the mall. Graham had driven his own car, and had left several minutes before Steven and John.

“Ok, good luck.” Steven said to John as he got out of the car.

“Thanks. I’ll probably need it.” John replied.

John went on to his dad’s office, which wasn’t that far away from the mall. He pulled into the parking lot, and parked in a visitor’s slot. His dad’s car wasn’t there yet. He went in.

“Good morning, John.” Shirley said. “Go on in.”

John walked into the inner office. His dad’s secretary, Betty, motioned him to a desk that had been set up in an alcove off the reception area next to his dad’s office. He went over, sat down, and started looking thru the drawers just to see what was there. On the desk top there was a phone, a lamp, and a pen and pencil holder with about a dozen different writing instruments in it. Betty came over with some forms he needed to fill out for employment taxes, so he busied himself with that. He had never asked his dad what he was getting paid, not that it made any difference as he was at his dad’s mercy financially anyway.



Raymond had returned from the station, and went upstairs to get cleaned up for the office. He and Roger had both gotten up, and went almost immediately to the train station. Roger didn’t want to leave any dirty dishes in the sink that would give away the fact that someone had stayed the night, so he said he would eat at home before he went to work.

As Raymond was getting dressed, he smiled at the remembrance of the two of them together for the second night in a row. He frowned when he thought that they probably wouldn’t see each other again, and that only because Roger had forgotten his clothes the first time, was the reason he returned. He liked Roger, and wished it would go further, but Roger from the beginning had said that he wanted to pursue a relationship with Danny. He liked Raymond, and did enjoy their times together, but he wanted to concentrate on Danny from now on. He wondered how monogamous Roger would be with Danny, as he certainly didn’t seem that way now.

Raymond was eating his breakfast of tea, cold cereal, and toast, when the phone rang. He went into the hall to answer it.

“Raymond, this is Roger.”

“Roger! What’s the matter?” Raymond answered. He thought he heard a tone of concern in Roger’s voice.

“I thought I’d warn you. While I was waiting for the train to arrive, I could have sworn I saw John drive away from the station several minutes after you left.”

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. The car he was driving was the same one he drove on Saturday when we went out to eat. I recognized it, and I’m sure it was John driving.”

“Damn! Ok, thanks Roger.”

“Let me know if there are problems. I certainly don’t want to get you in trouble with John.”

“Thanks. He’s coming to work today at my office. If it was him, I’m sure I’ll find out.”

“Good luck.”

They both rang off. Damn! What the hell was he doing at the train station so early?



“Hi Steve.”

Steven has his back turned to the counter, and spun around when he hear the familiar voice.

“Hi Jess! God, I haven’t seen you in ages.” He gushed.

“No, it’s only been about a week. How are you both doing?”

“Alright I guess. John’s got some problems at home, but other than that, I guess everything is going ok. How about you?”

“What problems?”

Steven explained that John’s parents had temporarily separated, but didn’t go into the ‘why’ of the separation.

“That’s too bad. I’m doing ok. I actually was gone for 5 days visiting my gran.”

“Still dating Dave?” Steven asked.

“I guess so. We only had a couple dates, then I went away, and when I got back, he was gone.”

“Where did he go?”

“Not sure. He left a message with my mum. I think he’ll be back the end of the week.”

“John and I were thinking you all might drop by last Saturday for a swim. I haven’t heard anything from Mark either. He usually visits some relatives during the summer, maybe he’s doing that.”

“Could be. I talked to Wendy, but she didn’t say anything. Maybe we could come by this weekend.”

“Great. I’ll check with John.”

“Have you heard anything more from Danny?” She asked.

“Danny? Uh, yeah. He and his boyfriend came over last Saturday, stayed over and left Sunday.” Steven said rather hesitantly.

“I had the impression that he was kind of after John. I didn’t know he had a boyfriend.”

“He is, er, was after John, but . . .”

“I think you’re not telling me something.” Wendy smiled at Steven.

“There’s nothing to tell. He made a pass at John, and John rejected it, that’s all.”

“I see.”

“Has Wendy said anything more about Alcock, and what people are going to do regarding me and Belvedere?”

“No. She said that everyone she’s talked to supports your coming back next year, so I don’t think you have too much to worry about.”

“Good. John’s dad is looking into the legality of it all. By the way, John has gone to work at his dad office.”

“Really? When did he start?”

“This morning. He was kind of nervous about it.” Steven laughed.

“Are you doing anything for lunch today?” Jess asked.

“John usually stops by, and we eat together. Why don’t you come by, and the three of us can get something to eat.”

“You’re on. See you about noon then.” Jess said. Several people had walked into the shop, and they both decided they needed to break off their conversation.

Steven waited on several customers that had come in, mainly to drop off and pick up film. He noticed out of the corner of his eye a lad who was hanging about in front of the shop. He recognized him as a student at Belvedere, but didn’t know him to speak to him, as he did look a bit younger than Steven.

The customers had left, leaving Steven by himself in the shop. He looked out, and saw the boy looking into the shop. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to come in or not. Steven smiled at the boy and waved. The boy smiled, and walked into the shop toward Steven.

“Hi.” Steven smiled. “You look familiar. Are you from Belvedere?”

“Uh, yeah. Last year was my first year there. We moved here from Brighton.”

“Great. What level are you? I’ve only got a year to go myself.”

“I’ve got two years to go.”

“By the way, my name’s Steve.” Steven said reaching forward his hand.

“Yeah, I know. My name’s Winston.” He said taking Steven’s hand and shaking it. “How long have you worked here?”

“It’s my dad’s shop. I usually work here in the summer. At least I have for the past two summers, this will be the third.”

“I need to get a job or something. Hadn’t really thought about one this year though.”

“So, you know who I am? I guess you were at the awards ceremony?” Steven asked.

“Yeah. I couldn’t believe you did that. Talk about bollocks!” He laughed.

“Yeah, well, some things happened, and I just did it. So, what about you? Are you gay?” Steven asked.

Winston kind of looked down at his feet, and got kind of flustered. Finally, he looked up at Steven. “Yeah, I’m gay.” He paused. “Damn. You’re the first person I’ve actually said that too!”

“Hey, that’s cool. Don’t be frightened. I know how hard that is, believe me. I take it your parents don’t know.”

“Nobody knows! At least I think nobody knows.” He replied.

“Anyone to talk to about it?” Steven asked.

“No. That’s why I’ve been hanging around here most of the morning, just looking for a chance to talk to someone. That sounds kind of drippy doesn’t it?”

“Not at all. I was lucky I guess. My neighbor knew about me, and we talked about it all the time. If it hadn’t been for her, I probably would have gone insane long ago. Also, I figured that with me coming out, I was sure I would probably hear from some other gays in school. Congratulations! You’re the first!” Steven smiled.

“I don’t know any other gays here. I had a mate in Brighton, and we would fool around, but I really think he was straight.”

“Do you still see him? Brighton is not that far away.”

“No. We met a couple times after I moved up here, but didn’t do anything. It was obvious that he was into girls. I guess I just don’t know the right places to hang out here.”

Steven smiled. “Well, most of the places are not that safe actually.”

“They never are.” Winston smiled back.

Just then a customer walked into the shop. “Hang on.” Steven said to Winston as he went toward the woman. Winston looked out through the door of the shop and noticed several of his classmates walking by in front of the shop. A chill ran up his back as he turned and stepped behind a display of camera bags that blocked his view of the entrance. Steven while serving the customer noticed Winston’s actions.

After a few minutes when the customer left, Steven walked back to where Winston was standing. “So, what’s the matter mate?” Steven asked.

“Uh, well, I saw some mates of mine from school. . .”

“And you didn’t want them to see you in here talking to a card-carrying poofter.” Steven said smiling.

Winston blushed a bright red. “No, I … I …”

“That’s ok, I understand. Listen, if you want to get together sometime and just talk, that would be ok. A couple of us are getting together for lunch, you could join us. Do you know Jess?”

“No, that’s ok. I think I know whom you mean. Maybe some other time.”

“Alright. Anytime you want to talk, just give me a call, or drop in.” Steven explained how to get a hold of him either at his house or at John’s. Winston thanked Steven and left the shop.

“Who was that?” Graham asked coming out from the back room where he had been going though some photo orders.

“Winston, a shy and frightened gay lad who’s also at Belvedere.”

“I see.”



“Hi John.” Raymond greeted his son as he walked across to his office.

“Hi Dad.”

“Come in to my office John, we need to talk.”

John got up and followed his dad into the office. Raymond closed the door and motioned for John to sit down.

“What’s up dad?” John asked, though he did have an inkling that he knew.

“Well, we need to talk about some things that have happened over the past several days.”

“Roger?”

“Roger.”

“How did you know that I knew about him?”

“He called me this morning and told me that he saw you drive away from the train station after I dropped him off.”

“Bugger!”

“John. I realize you’re probably a little vexed about me and your mother, and what’s going on between us, but no more so than I am about what has happened to me in the past week, and especially the last several days.”

“How did you and Roger meet? I mean, are you lovers or something? Did you know him before all this happened?”

“Whoa, slow down.” Raymond held up his hand to John’s rapid-fire questions. “No, we’re not lovers.” Raymond related how Roger showed up at the front door looking for his clothes, how he had been drinking, and how they spent the night. Also the following day and night after he had forgotten his clothes again.

“I thought Roger was after Danny.” John said after listening to his dad’s story.

“He is. At least he told me he is. Roger, I think, just likes sex. He’s not currently committed to anyone, so, if he likes someone, he pursues him. I think maybe that’s the reason.”

“Maybe. Are you going to see him again?”

“I doubt it. I’ll have to admit that I was really taken with him, especially when he actually was the one who took the lead in us spending the night. He’s really a good looking lad.”

“I know. I really was hoping he and Danny would hit it off.”

“So Danny would quit going after you?” Raymond inquired.

“Yeah. He told you about that, did he.”

“Yes, he did. He also told me about him and Oxford and wanting Danny to move there with him.”

“Yeah. Steve isn’t too happy with that.”

“Well, that may, or may not happen.”

“Boy, what a mess.”

“How so?”

“I’ll be in Oxford with Danny and Roger. Steve will be here. You and mum? What’s going to happen with you and mum?”

“I don’t know, John. I do love your mother very much. I realize you probably think I’m a real rotter for sleeping with Roger like I did. I’ll have to admit, if I hadn’t been drinking that first night like I had been, we probably wouldn’t have wound up in bed together. My experience with other men . . .” Raymond trailed off.

“Ok, dad. It was probably Roger’s fault as much as it was yours. He probably took advantage of a situation is all.”

“Maybe. But, a handsome young guy like him, interested in an old guy like me, well that does wonders for a persons ego. I really couldn’t believe what was happening.”

“Don’t sell yourself short dad. I imagine there are many young guys out there that like the more ‘mature’ types.” John smiled.

“Gee, thanks!” Raymond said a little sarcastically, smiling at John. “Well, I doubt if I’ll see him again. I really do want to get back together with you mother.”

“Yeah, I’d like that also.” John noticed that his dad was kind of staring off into space, thinking of something, or someone. “Well, I’ve got to get some papers delivered, then go have lunch with Steve.” John finally said.

“Alright. We’ll talk later some more.” Raymond said.

John got up and went out the door, and over to his desk where some envelops were stacked, waiting to be delivered.



John, Steven, and Jess were sitting in the restaurant eating their lunch. It was a little after 12:30pm. Steven had just related his encounter with Winston in the shop that morning.

“Winston? I don’t think I know him.” Jess said.

“Me either.” John said between bites.

“Well, he’s really in the closet. I’m surprised he came into the shop and spoke with me. I suppose he just needed someone to talk to and all. He really seems like a nice bloke.” Steven related.

“Should I be jealous?” John asked with a grin.

“I don’t think so you wanker!” Steven laughed.

“I mean, after all, you’re going to be here with a gay school mate, and I’m going to be all by my lonesome in Oxford.”

“Alone? Correct me if I wrong, but aren’t Roger and Danny going to be there also?” Steven asked.

“They’re going to be in Oxford?” Jess asked.

“Uh, yeah. At least Roger is.” John answered.

“Why not Danny?” Steven asked.

“Uh, well, I’m not sure.” John didn’t want to go into an explanation in front of Jess. He hadn’t had time to relate the conversation to Steven that he had with his dad. “I didn’t think it had been settled that Danny was going to Oxford.” John tried to give Steven a look that said ‘Drop the subject.’ Steven picked up on it.

“Uh, ok. Have you heard when Dave is getting back for sure?” Steven asked, changing the subject.

“No, but I think it is sometime this week-end.”

Steven noticed Winston passing by in front of the restaurant, looking in as he went by. He was going to let Winston make the next move, as he figured that he was probably nervous anyway looking in to see the three of them sitting there, probably trying to get up enough courage to enter.

Steven looked at Jess and said “Needless to say, you won’t say anything to anyone about Winston at school.”

Jess nodded in agreement. “My lips are sealed.”